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Under a cut for language... :mischief:

Spoiler
  • When you're too feminine...
  • When your music choices suck...
  • When your costumes are fugly and derivative...
  • When you aren't being Japanese enough...
  • When you're being too Japanese...
  • When you're overscored, overexposed, and overrated...
  • When their latest Hot Take is simply Too Hot To Handle...

 

YOU NEED

 

Yuzuru Hanyu's INVISIFUCKS!!!

 

LuLtKxN.jpg

 

Weightless and odorless! Allergy-friendly and calorie-free! Travel-sized for all your international competition needs! All the fucks you don't care to give in one convenient non-package, all for the LOW LOW SPECIAL OFFER PRICE OF BELIEVING IN YOURSELF AND STRIVING FOR EXCELLENCE!!!!!  With INVISIFUCKS, you too can rid your skating career of Bad Takes, Bullshit, and General Ignorance!

 

Why can't Yuzuru Hanyu hold all these fucks? BECAUSE THEY JUST AREN'T THERE. (TM) (C)

 

Order now for free Pooh with purchase. Buy two and Mr. Hanyu will throw in a pair of sunglasses that descends from the sky in slow-motion to land precisely on your face. Call 1-555-OGM-GOAT for more details.

 

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