Just a personal piece of processing, feel free to skip it. (@Pammi: I wrote this before reading your last post - many similar thoughts about GPF 2019...)
I'm miserable. I'm in a hotel room and had to go get tissues in the car that were meant to last the entire vacation. But after three hours of continuous crying while reading the chat, I've never seen my eyes so puffy.
Thank you to everyone who posted their thoughts along with the news over the past 24 hours. Thank you so much for the virtual hand-holds and hugs. I admire those who are already so positive and relieved with the new fact. After a while, I think I can share your views.
Right now, I'm lost. I will cancel my hotel in Turin tomorrow. It should have been the crowning glory of a special year for me. Will I never meet other satellites in an arena now? What will I do with the Winnie the Pooh that was sent to Stockholm and back by parcel post? And the other, small one that traveled with me through Paris, wasn't I going to hang it on my bag when I made my pilgrimage back to Palavela? Did I witness the greatest Pooh rain of all time, yet without throwing one on the ice myself? GPF 2019, my once-in-a-lifetime chance to see Yuzuru. The 4Lutz, the glitter of Origin 2.0, Swanyu's Biellmann, the spins with the gold ribbon... And now? No more costume from Satomi for Yuzuru's beautiful body lines?
The mottos on the UA collar, the cool down routines, the tweets with minutes during the OP.... Can we consider runthrough Otoñal at Skate Canada 2019 as the 20th world record?
When he spoke in some interviews of nervousness that was not visible to him before and during the skate.... Instead, we felt only those of the audience, who held their breath, clasped their hands, screamed. And now we are never to experience LMEY with audience screaming? No Rondo world record?
It's all been said - the getting up in the middle of the night, the battle for tickets, the unhealthily high blood pressure level for two and a half / four minutes, the anger over unfair scoring.... Thanks to everyone here who did and felt the same and confirmed to me that we were allowed to accompany a phenomenon of the century!
I'm sorry, Yuzuru, but I can't help the sadness, even if you made the right decision. I admire you once again for the way you stood in front of the media and the world and found the right words.
At the very beginning, when I started reading in this community, I stumbled upon the sentence "Life as a fanyu is a roller coaster". I thought it was funny and very soon realized how true that statement was. To this day I have not ridden a roller coaster, somehow I never needed that adrenaline rush. I know it's not the end, but it feels like the roller coaster ride with Yuzuru has come to a stop and I've landed on the hard ground. I think, from this day on, I will never ever do a roller coaster ride in real life. It's nothing compared to all the emotions I owe Yuzuru through the last three and a half years.
I love you, Yuzuru. Miss you so much. And - sorry - thank you from the bottem of my heart.