Hello everyone!
It is weird to be a new fan in this kind of situation....but here I am lol. I have been lurking for some time and I thought I would be fine not to join a fandom, but lately there are just sooooo maaanyyyy things i want to say about and idk where to...explode. I truly, really, need to expode So here I am, yoroshiku~
I'll put my great wall of texts in spoilers so it won't be too crowded, hehe
(My first impression about Hanyu, lol, I start exploding from here. )
So yes, tl;dr: I read all the Hanyu fanfest in GS (except for some off-season). And so, first of all, I have to say thank you for everyone who built this Planet and make this comfortably habitable! And thank you for pouring all loves to Hanyu, and defending him all these times! I only know him for, like, a few months, but damn it what an emotional ride to read parts of his senior career capsulated in fanfest threads.
I even have some difficulty focusing in works around the Boston 2016 and pre-PC 2018 (eventho I know well Hanyu is still alive and kicking 4A in 2022). I couldn't imagine what fans that follow him competition to competitions had to go through! You guys are so....strong, and loyal.
(second explosion, about the previous seasons i know through GS, pls forgive me)
Anyway I am also reading this General Thread from the start! Just started recently, right after finishing the GS threads. You guys talks a lot! 1000 first pages is in off-season! I am now at 1400ish page, somewhere beetwen ACI when Hanyu bombed his FP after world record SP (and honorary mention, I am touched with Hydroblade's swans!) and CoR. I was ready to have a good ride coming to PC in this thread..... until Hanyu's announcement.
Honestly, I intended to just lurk until i finished reading all these 7300ish page of this thread (and see if I still have the power and desire to be his fan, lol), but now that Hanyu had announced his decision... a part in me want to explode. I went binge-liking all posts (that I like, ofc)about his announcement in Twitter, something I never had done before (because I didn't want too much Hanyu in my feed lol, but now, my desire to support him is much bigger than that).
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At first, I was happy. I didn't catch it on time because I was battling with deadline at work that time, and when I was able to sit down and stomach things, the short translation were already there, and he sounded positive. Maybe because I only know him for a short time, so for me, as long as he still have positive view about things and not succumbed into too much depression after what they had done to him in this past few years, I am happy and didn't ask for anything more. Photos of Hanyu in Beijing, compare to Hanyu in FaoI, you can see in FaoI Hanyu shines much brighter, and I believe this is the best for him. I even feel relieved because he didn't have to go to cycle of "practice hard -> go into competition -> underscored -> practice even harder" anymore. Of course I had a little pang in my heart, like "Imagine what he could get if he stay in the competition for a little bit more. 4A with + GOE? Competition against Malinin?" but it was just a small dot, the happiness and relieved feeling is much more bigger than that.
Skaters and english media's words toward his decision are also beautiful, at least those that I read, and I don't read much media's coverage... But they are a lot, right? Unusually a lot, for a Japanese athlete. The skaters words are also sweet, I like Shibutanis' tribute the most, they dig Hanyu's old stuffs and I am touched with that.
I remember the first time I want to cry because of negative feeling is--
I think right after that, I read more and more translation (and some of that fast-translation, or snippets) of Hanyu's coverage, and whoa, the tea spilled here and there, and i feel even more......sad. It feels like being punched in my gut. Yes I am proud of Hanyu to finally put his feeling into words and share it with the world, and I wish him to speak more and more! Spell their names, if needed! But truth does hurt, more because it is Hanyu himself who voiced it. Maybe because I only know him for a short time, and all I know are only fans who voicing the unfair judgement. Noone official stop this, nothing was done to stop the unfairness. So, once Hanyu himself spilled the teas.... it finally feels 'real' to me.
Ah, he is truly mistreated. He truly saw his score. He was truly hurt. And how many years he bottled his feelings? How many times he felt 'let me practice this, if I do this, my score may rise' before being dejected and crushed? And now he is spilling things calmly and dignifiedly (?), after 'crying without reason, unable to eat, heart nearing empty', not pointing names and accusing others - how steep his road is, how big his heart is? And after all these mistreatment, he still has competitive spirit in his words. If only there was some kind of attempt from those official to be more fair in judging, would Hanyu stay a little bit more in competition? Would it ease his heartache?
And hmm maybe it is just me, but somehow I became cynical with those english medias. Are they saying good things about Hanyu, to 'bribe' him not to spill any tea? To calm/elate the fans so they won't voice loudly whatever Hanyu gonna spill later? IOC even gave statement that 'Hanyu is the true Olympic Champion', and I was happy with that before, but now.... could they do something before this mess happened? Don't they have enough power to enforce fair judging to ISU? Ah, maybe I stay in twitter too much, that my salinity goes rocketing
I know Hanyu talked all these in calm manner so that his fans won't get too distressed, but still, maybe because I am still new, I thought too much and worry too much. Also because, unlike the damned hole in Beijing 2022 that is part of fate, unfair judging and underscoring is something preventable, if only they had a bit of dignity in how they live their life. So I couldn't help but thinking 'what if' many times....
OKAY i finished exploding. Thank you for coming to my TED talk! And I am sorry for writing too much here, i don't have friend
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I am still a baby and take my opinion with a grain of salt, but I interpret the same way as yours, that Hanyu won't go back to ISU. (Maybe later if he can properly tame his own style's 4A well, he will show it off to ISU competition just to have fun, swag a little, and say goodbye for real. Hanyu loves showing off, lol).
But maybe, because Hanyu seems to be still in competitive spirits, based on how he brought himself in interviews, ppl may interpret it as 'would go back to ISU competition'. Because tbh I still have hard time imagining how is Hanyu going to be 'always on competitive spirit' if it is on regular ice shows. Whom he will be compete with? I don't know anyone who is as unabashedly competitive as Hanyu, especially those who are already retired. (it is not like I follow know any skater beside Hanyu)
But Hanyu seems to have his own idea about how to bring his competitive spirit in shows, it is just not concrete yet. I just hope it can grow into realization properly as what Hanyu envisioned!
If you don't mind a baby helping, I would like to help! There may be more ppl who fell to Hanyu the Professional Athlete in the future