[2018.03.01] Live the Dream (paperback)

[yuzurujenn]

Info: https://www.amazon.co.jp/夢を生きる-単行本-羽生-結弦/dp/4120050491/

 

Even after reaching the pinnacle of world skating at the Sochi Olympics, Yuzuru Hanyu continued to break his own world record scores multiple times and pursue his ideal performance from 2015 to 2018. This latest collection of interviews features Yuzuru Hanyu himself, exploring his path of growth leading up to the PyeongChang Olympics. He passionately discusses the thoughts he put into each program in the 2015-16, 2016-17, and 2017-18 seasons, the various challenges he undertook to further his technical progress, his passion for skating, and his gratitude to all those who support him. In addition to the interviews published in the "Ice Jewels" magazine, this book also includes the latest original content. It also features numerous color photos, including never-before-seen photos, from competitions to behind-the-scenes shots. This book is packed with interesting content.

 

CN:

https://weibo.com/ttarticle/p/show?id=2309404795169676591267

https://weibo.com/1712950240/LEQRNgUnR

[yuzurujenn]

*machine translation, inaccuracies exist*

 

 

Postscript by Yuzuru Hanyu

 

Thank you very much for picking up and reading this book.

There are many thoughts I can’t fully express in interviews, but even if only a little, I hope to share some of them here with everyone.

 

Spoiler

From 2015 to 2018, I reached the peak of my figure skating career, but I also faced moments that felt like being pushed off a cliff. Perhaps I even did fall, I’m not sure. Each time, I was helped by countless thoughts and words behind me, and saved by both the strength and fragility deep within myself. Skating through hope and despair amid so many shining lights has truly made me feel very fortunate. Those three years were filled with continuous hardships and joys. This was all thanks to the 19 years I’ve spent in figure skating, and the 23 years of my life since birth.

 

Of course, there were many painful memories. I had moments when I wanted to give up, to run away; happiness and joy didn’t exist at those times. But I believe the people who sincerely cheered me on and supported me, everyone of you has had such feelings too. We all carry our own pasts, futures, personalities, and even pride. Pain and suffering cannot be simply compared. I think there are even pains that not even family can share. But there are people who have always supported and cheered for me. “Just knowing this made me stronger,” I wouldn’t say something so poetic, but many times I found “fragments of happiness” from everyone, and that gave me the energy to keep going. I’ve worked hard so that those fragments can become true happiness.

 

From ages 4 to 9, I went through cycles of being sometimes bound by skating, sometimes falling in love with it, sometimes clinging to it, and then stepping awa, repeating all of this again and again. During my novice years, I lost access to the rink, couldn’t win competitions, and couldn’t even feel that I was growing. Unwilling to accept regret and frustration, it was with that stubborn spirit that I grew through my junior years. After moving up to senior level, I experienced the earthquake, the World Championships in Nice, and leaving Sendai. Through all of that, I felt the thoughts and support of so many people, and with a heart full of gratitude, I skated through to the Sochi Olympics. Since then, I have come to love skating even more and want to skate better and better, carrying this desire and challenge with me to this day.

 

That version of myself still lives in my heart, and I hope I can hold my head high for that self. From now on, I also want to continue living with the spirit of “like a drawn bowstring—head held high, dignified and resolute.”

 

To everyone who has become my fan:

What I feel truly fortunate about is that, as a sports athlete, I’ve received so much support from so many people. I’m really grateful for that. When I compete, I focus entirely on being an athlete, being a competitor. Compared to my Novice and Junior years, I’ve had fewer chances to directly express my gratitude, but I hope that from now on, I’ll be able to convey my thanks more.

 

Actually, at the Olympics, I had another dream besides winning a gold medal. In the Olympics I watched as a child, there was a scene where an athlete expressed their thanks to their teacher and it left a deep impression on me. After seeing that, I thought, “When I get interviewed at the Olympics, I want to say the names of all the teachers I’ve studied under!” I even practiced every night and had many sleepless nights imagining that moment. (laughs) In the end, I still wasn’t able to say it the way I had hoped, and although that dream didn’t come true, please allow me to take this opportunity to express my thoughts.

 

To: Mami-sensei, Tsuzuki-sensei, Matsuda-sensei, Seki-sensei, Nanami-sensei, Natalia-sensei, Igor-sensei, Nagakubo-sensei, Brian, Tracy, Ghislain, David, Jeff, Shae, Stéphane, and Plu-sensei (Plushenko). Thank you so much for nurturing me into who I am today!

 

-Yuzuru Hanyu

 

[yuzurujenn]

*machine translation, inaccuracies exist*

 

 

Chapter 10: Special interview PyeongChang Olympic

 

At last, the decisive moment draws near. What kind of stage is the Olympics for Yuzuru Hanyu?

 

It has been four years since he won the gold medal at the Sochi Olympics at age 19. The path he has walked as an Olympic champion has been filled with far more hardship than one might imagine. Behind the glory, he hit walls time and again and faced moments where the pressure nearly crushed him. As he reflects on his journey, tears naturally well up in his eyes. Despite the struggles and inner conflicts, he still returned to the ice. What, then, is the driving force behind that choice? He also shares his dreams for life after PyeongChang.

 

Spoiler

Towards the PyeongChang Olympics

 

— For you, Hanyu, what kind of stage is the Olympics? How is it different from other competitions?

 

In one sense, it's just a regular competition, because there's a part of me that wants to control it by thinking of it that way. But honestly, the Olympics are a stage I've always longed for. Even though I already won a gold medal in Sochi, it’s not like I’ve come to see the Olympics as just another event grounded in reality. Even though I’ve experienced it once, even though I’m ranked number one in the world, even though I’ve scored higher than anyone with my personal best, when it comes to the Olympics, it still feels like I’m stepping into it for the first time.

 

— Does skating on such a stage feel refreshing or liberating?

 

Not really. There are moments of joy and moments of sorrow, and those emotions hit me the moment it’s over.

 

— What kind of emotions do you feel when you're skating at your peak?

 

It’s like a state of selflessness. I’m just skating, that’s all. But this competition carries an enormous amount of pressure.

 

— On a stage where the whole world is watching, what kind of performance do you want to deliver?

 

Ultimately, I want to skate a clean program with no mistakes. That’s all I can hope for. That desire is the same no matter what competition I’m in. I’m not suddenly going to change my program or anything like that just because it’s the Olympics. There’s really no difference compared to other competitions in that sense, so I can approach the Olympics with peace of mind. Still, there are definitely some unique emotions tied to it. And figuring out how to approach those emotions isn’t easy. I’ll absolutely be nervous, and I’ll probably feel some regrets in various ways. Even if I skate clean, I doubt I’ll be able to feel unreserved joy. Up until now, I’ve never had an experience where I could just let go and feel pure happiness.

 

— Not even once?

 

Not once have I ever let myself feel unguarded joy. Even in November 2015, when I set the world’s highest scores for SP, FS, and total at NHK Trophy, even then, I reflected afterward, thinking, “That spin could’ve been better.” Then in December of the same year, at the Grand Prix Final, I broke the world records again, but the mental pressure was extremely intense. The idea that “I have to skate clean in both events back to back” completely messed with my emotions. That was a major point of reflection. Ever since then, I haven’t been able to perform both my SP and FS with zero mistakes in a single competition. Every competition has left me with frustration and things to work on. I imagine the Olympics will be the same.

 

Hidden Struggles

 

— Since the Sochi Olympics, expectations around you have grown. Have your own expectations of yourself increased as well?

 

There’s no doubt about that.

 

— On the flip side, have there been times when you couldn't believe in yourself?

 

Although I don’t really like to talk about this, I have recently become unable to resolve this emotion on my own. In the past, I treated skating with a more frivolous emotion. For example, I used to think that it was a sense of obligation and I had to do it. Before I said I liked or hated it, I thought "I have come this far, I can't just let it go" and was bound by it. But recently, I don't have this feeling at all, and I skate with my own desire to skate.

 

— Do you think that's a good thing?

 

It’s because of that that I’ve come to a point where I can’t handle it by myself. Until now, I’ve always managed to solve technical challenges with just my own effort. But now, I’ve finally come to this point (raises hand near the top of head) and there are times where I just can’t do it without someone's help. When things don’t go the way I want, it becomes really exhausting, and my emotions can’t keep up. My stamina has definitely improved. I feel like if it were the structure I had before, I could skate it clean anytime. But now, both my body and my mind are struggling to keep up with what they’re supposed to be doing.

 

— You had a hard time with the quad Lutz (4Lz) as well.

 

I studied it over and over, thought I had a clue like, “This is it,” and then got on the ice to practice, but even then, I’d lose the feeling after just one day. That happened so many times, and gradually I didn’t know what to do anymore. Back then, skating felt like an obligation, and even so, I’d still think, “I have to do this.” Usually, before even getting to that point, I was already capable of doing it. But now it’s different. It’s not that I’ve hit my limit, but I have felt the limits of what I can do alone. I think maybe it’s because, up until now, when I was developing jumps, I wasn’t fully aware that I was doing quad jumps.

 

— To land quads, do you have to fundamentally change the way you approach jumping?

 

Yes. There are many aspects I have no choice but to change. But on my own, I can’t build that, I can’t even see it. I was able to catch up to the toe loop and salchow with physical ability. My body image followed along, too. But the Lutz and loop haven’t reached that level yet. My technique and knowledge still haven’t caught up.

 

Support from My Mother

 

— There must be pain that no one else can understand, right?

 

In the season after the Sochi Olympics, I strongly felt, “No one could possibly understand how I feel.” Back then, even pressure was something I dealt with on my own. But now, it’s gone beyond that kind of scope. Still, I fully understand what’s going on, so it’s okay. Because we’ve all come this far together.

 

— Were you more alone back then?

 

After the Olympics, I was carrying that loneliness all by myself. In November 2014 at the Cup of China, after the collision with another skater, and again in December of the same year during my abdominal surgery, I was thinking things like, “I have to do something,” and, “I’m the Olympic champion.” I was desperately trying to deal with it all alone. But having made it through that time, I no longer think I have to handle everything by myself.

 

— Right after winning the Sochi Olympics, you openly said, “I want to win back-to-back Olympic titles.” At the time, did you imagine the journey would be this difficult?

 

What I imagined was a different kind of pain. I thought the hardest part would be dealing with pressure that as the Olympic champion, I’d have to become a consistently unbeatable winner. But things didn’t go the way I thought. There was the collision at the Cup of China (COC), and then I placed fourth at the NHK Trophy. After that, those kinds of thoughts disappeared. But in the 2015–16 season, when I skated clean programs with Ballade No. 1 and SEIMEI, that mindset came back again.

 

— So it was like you were putting pressure on yourself?

 

I think even if I didn’t want to, I ended up having those expectations unconsciously. Because I knew clearly “I can win,” that made me crave victory even more than before, and that’s where the pain lies. At the same time, the things I had to do became more difficult, and I started to feel helpless. There was that kind of inner conflict.

 

— What is the driving force that helps you overcome such struggles and contradictions? Each time you overcome them, what gives you the energy to break through the walls in front of you again?

 

To put it extremely simply, it’s my mother.

 

— Your mother lives with you in Toronto and supports you. What kind of presence is she for you?

 

My mother’s purpose in life has become something beyond herself. I don’t feel burdened by this realization, it’s something I’m grateful for as family. Truly, I’ve received her support in so many ways.

 

— You’re not fighting alone, then.

 

Up until Sochi, it felt like I was fighting alone. (At this point, Hanyu sheds tears.) But looking back, there wasn’t a single competition where I fought alone and felt good about it.

 

— Understanding your own existence must be very encouraging.

 

It’s amazing, isn’t it? Ah, this is the first time I’ve cried during an interview (laughs). I’m surprised myself.

 

— You carry a variety of thoughts.

 

The beginning of every season is always very tough. But this season is even harder than usual. Although it’s not over yet.

 

— It really is a very difficult journey.

 

Since I started skating, it has always been very difficult. But I’m still very grateful to my parents for letting me skate. If my sister hadn’t skated, I wouldn’t be skating either. Maybe I would have played baseball or focused more on my studies. But from the moment I started skating, I decided I wanted to win an Olympic gold medal. Although at that time, I didn’t know the competition would be this difficult.

 

A life of twists and turns in figure skating

 

— Looking back once again, it really has been a dramatic figure skating life.

 

Even my own emotions can’t keep up with it. It feels like riding a roller coaster. When I can’t win, I really can’t win. After putting in a lot of practice, I get injured when I’m in very good form, and this kind of cycle repeats itself. The gap between good and bad is so extreme that sometimes even I can’t keep up.

 

— Maybe it’s even more dramatic than a TV drama.

 

The timing of rivals appearing is like that too. Patrick Chan before the Sochi Olympics was like that, and now Nathan Chen and Boyang Jin as well. When Boyang was landing his quad Lutz just as Sochi had just ended, it signaled the arrival of the quad jump era. I feel the era really started turning then.

 

— I feel that Hanyu always leads the way in continuously pushing the limits of this sport.

 

That’s not quite it. I think it’s just that the timing happened to be right. Because skaters like Boyang and Nathan started landing quad Lutzes, I took on the challenge too. But when I look back, ever since I was a kid training with Coach Tsuzuki, I was told, “You have to get to the 4A [quad Axel].” I was even told to aim for a quintuple jump. Of course, back then, I had no real sense of that. Right after the Sochi Olympics, I thought, “I guess I’ll keep skating at this level going forward.”

 

— In recent years, men’s figure skating has evolved faster than expected.

 

At Sochi, just landing the quad toe and quad salchow was enough to win. Looking back, that was really a great era. Programs like “Parisienne Walkways” now feel very simple.

 

— What kind of story awaits from now on?

 

This is my personal thought, but I believe that the pluses and minuses in life are balanced, ultimately adding up to zero. However, the magnitude of this fluctuation depends on the individual. In my case, the difference between pluses and minuses was quite dramatic. I wonder if it was because I had too many pluses at the Sochi Olympics, but after that, things took a sudden, drastic turn. I’ve even thought about quitting skating several times, and moments when I asked myself, “Why am I even skating? Maybe I should just give up.” I cried many times thinking that. But after a low, when good results come, I go back up, then back down again. Maybe life will be like a roller coaster ride for me from now on.

 

Towards the Future in Pyeongchang

 

— Your goal is the gold medal at the PyeongChang Olympics. After that, do you still want to continue skating as a competitor?

 

To be honest, after the Sochi Olympics, I thought about retiring after PyeongChang. It's been incredibly tough, and I've considered retiring before that too. But around the season before last, I decided to "keep my best until PyeongChang before retiring." But, I realized that it feels like I’m lying to my younger self.

 

— What did you realize?

 

Winning two consecutive Olympic titles, at the ages of 19 and 23. After that, how many years would I skate as a Pro skater, and when would I get married?—I'd planned all this for a long time. But then I can’t help but think, “Wait, don’t you want to land the quad Axel?” Coach Tsuzuki has always told me, “You need to be the first man to land a quad Axel,” and, “The Axel is the king of jumps.” So I have to repay Axel; I can’t retire until I can land it.

 

— What about your figure skating life after that, and your future dreams and goals?

 

University studies make me happy. If it were just about earning credits, I could get as many as I want, but I want to genuinely learn more and increase my knowledge. So I want to continue my university studies a little longer.

 

— So for now, you’ll continue balancing both skating and academics.

 

Ultimately, I’m interested in becoming a coach. I want to leave behind useful data for future skaters and teach them. Since I was little, I was fortunate to participate in many shows, and thanks to those experiences, people from the generation I admired such as Stéphane (Lambiel), Johnny (Weir), (Evgeni) Plushenko, and others have supported me. If I have the support of such people, I want to open ice shows or skating schools together with them.

 

— It will become a place where the world’s highest-level techniques come together.

 

When I was 10, I saw Stéphane’s spin up close. I competed with him, but he was truly exceptional.

 

— You competed against one of the world’s best spinners?

 

Yes. Stéphane was practicing for a show in Katsuyama (Hanyu’s former training base in Sendai), and I started spinning right next to him. At that time, I seriously thought I could beat him. He took it seriously too, but there was no way I could win. However, Stéphane remembered it and later said to me, “You’re that little kid who was always spinning back then, right?”

 

— That must have been an amazing experience.

 

After competing with him, I was determined, “I want to get better at spinning too.” Learning from them will definitely help me get better. Gathering legendary members and opening the best school is my dream.