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Hey guys. I've been feeling down since yesterday after the finalization of Yuzu's withdraw. To let go of my feelings of sadness, disappointment, anxious, even anger, I wrote this. I want to share it with you and hope this makes you feel better too. English is not my first language so sorry about the mistakes if I made any. I've never thought that I would be emotionally attached to a right foot. Ever since I laid my eyes on him during the figure skating competition in the Pyeongchang Olympics, I became a fan of Yuzuru Hanyu. To see him live became one of my biggest dreams, so I bought my first figure skating tickets, the Grand Prix Final. It was March; the competition is in December. As impatient as I am, I hadn't waited for anything for nine months besides being pregnant with my babies. But this time I was patient. I waited happily and hopefully--like waiting to see my newborn baby-- to see Yuzuru. During this period, I met a bunch of people, we became friends and planned to meet. I upgraded my seats from the 19th row to Kiss and Cry. I arranged to share an ocean view house with a few girls. I applied for the absence from my husband and children. I filled my car with gas. I was ready, for the wonderful skating feast in Vancouver. And all the sudden... On November 17th, The morning practice of the Freeskating competition in Russia, Yuzuru fell. Hard. Twisted his right ankle. I went to bed with a heavy heart that night. Although he attended the free skate competition that evening and won the gold medal, we could all tell that he wasn't fully himself. Then it's the victory ceremony, he showed up in his sneakers, with a pair of crutches... My rationality was telling me: It's the right foot ligament injury, again. He will need a long time to recover. There are only three weeks left till the final. He won't make it. My emotion was telling me: Don't give up yet! Maybe it's not as bad as it looked? Maybe it will heal quickly? Maybe he won't quit?... The internet was mourning. People were changing their plans, selling the tickets, I choose to bury my head in the sand like a timid stupid ostrich. I mean, seriously. For someone who can skate so beautifully, jump quads easier than me getting out of the bed in the morning, it's unfortunate to process such a fragile foot. It's just as regrettable as for a talented artist like me, infected with the cancer of laziness and procrastination. Pity. Unfairness. Loss. Yesterday, it came the final judgment. Yuzuru Hanyu officially withdrew from the Grand Prix Final. I thought I was prepared. I was NOT. When I read this news on my phone, it's like someone hit the back of my heat with a baseball bat. The colorful bubbles of hope surrounded me exploded. The world turned gray. I was barely functional during the day. When evening came, I couldn't contain myself any longer. I took out the family size bag of crispy puffs, sat in front of my computer and started eating. My husband was in contempt towards my "childish obsession" to Yuzuru. But seeing me upset like this, he tried to comfort me: Let's go get some ice cream or have some dessert in your favorite restaurant. Me: No. Husband: But you will feel sick if you eat the whole bag of crispy puffs. Me: I know. Husband: At least ice cream is yummier and healthier. Me: No. Going out sounds like too much fun. Husband: What? Me: I don't want fun, I want to SUFFER! The PAIN and MISERY of being alone, huddling up in front of my computer and stuff myself with the cheap, dry, boring junk food are what I want, what I NEED at this moment. Husband: ... You are weird. Me: You don't understand. I succeeded. I ate the whole bag of crispy puffs and felt sick and sentimental. I threw myself in bed without just a heavy heart, but a full stomach. The next day, I could finally go on StubHub and try to list my tickets for sale. The precious tickets I worked hard for, the golden eggs everyone wanted before Yuzu's injury, had become dog shit overnight. Half price, 60% off, 90% off... People are fleeing the market like the stadium is burning down. I just wanted to watch a competition, why it's like trading bitcoin? But compare with my friends, my a few hundred dollars is nothing. Many of them lost the cost of their plane tickets, hotels, Visas... When I'm feeling sorry for myself, I just think about them and ... I feel worse. This is what I've been through these past a few days. As sad as it was, time gets by and I will move on. After all, I need to summon my strength and fight another battle: The World Championship! This article is dedicated to all my friends who had experienced this emotional ride with me these days, and Yuzeru's right foot. Best wished to you all, and hope we will meet one day! By messycow